-a deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness.
itʻs not easy lasting alone. it is not easy still to know that the reason for this loneliness is largely my own fault. the void i yearn to fill in the pits of my gut seem impossible to satisfy. after all i try, i am not only left empty, but even more glum. and i stand vigil as i watch myself ferment in self-pity.
i am determined to use these feelings of depression as inspiration for some great imagery i have yet to create-
I’m not surprised when unexpected characters are cast into my dreams. I somewhat admire the fact that my unconscious mind pays close attention to the physical world. Mostly, I’m confused. But as reason surfaces, I’m appalled at the meaning of the dream. Some dreams I have are highly prophetic, directing me into the future. I may not realize it in the waking world, but you and your energies may have a significant affect on my unconscious mind. Paying attention to the right signs would assist me evermore. And now to train myself to manifest this…
influenced by the first lecture in Biology 100-
among others, human biology is one of my favorite sciences. we allow ourselves to take advantage of the molecular chemistry that is active now, and in every other single moment of our lives. atomically, we will never discern the differences between one human to another. all matter are made up of atoms, which form elements, which form molecules, and so forth. the microscopic functions of all these energies are absolutely crucial to our existence, and within a healthy body, help sustain chemical equilibrium. the prime function of our biological composition is to form a steady balance between energies, thus is the cycle of human physiology…
-“hydrogenʻs plight” refers to the tenacity of the “function unto function” lifestyle that a hydrogen leads.
there is a strange phenomena in nature that i took a particular interest in which occurs constantly; a hydrogen bond, the most basic and, at the same time, the most complex chemical bond. we are taught that two hydrogen molecules and one oxygen molecule combine for a compound of H20; water. moreover, a proton in a hydrogen molecule cannot help but form an attraction to an electron in an other, creating the electrostatic bond. this molecular bonding is in evidence that is seen each day; free-flowing, liquid water. though it does indeed on an infinitesimal scale, the ocean, or any drop of water, does not tangibly manifest as millions of individual water molecules. but the fierce wholeness, the extensively fluid “body” of water is a result of hydrogenʻs attracting functions.
naturally, my mind boarded a train of thought that was descending through the tiers of ideas in my mind. as i do, i tried to understand these heavy scientific learnings through my cultural beliefs and practices, and always try to connect the different focuses of awareness between all sources of knowledge.
our revelations are completely situational; our minds absorption differentiates in every individual moment—
i implore all to intake the natural forces. elemental influences are completely crucial to everyday life. i bombard my thoughts with the most creative and insightful wisdom that i can receive. vehicles of this wisdom come to me in the most intricate ways. today i picked three random cards from a “medicine animals” deck of cards and i reveled in epiphany and prophecy. these cards are influenced by the energy of the hands that request of them. my first card; the crow, is symbol of all sacred law. as a keeper of all sacred law, the crow may potentially bend the laws of the physical world. shape-shifting may be what some cultures refer to this bending of laws. my second card was the butterfly; the symbol of transformation. the butterfly has not been a symmetrical beauty for its entire lifespan, the butterfly has been through a complete adventure and is a sign of success. the larva hardens its physical form into a silky pupae. in its cocoon stage, the pupae is liquified and, using the same chemical and biological make-up, is transformed. the butterfly is the result of this birthing transformation. the third and last card i drew was the spider; the weaver. the spider weaves a web of detailed patterns. this webs purpose is to ensnare the universe and to define fate. a proclaimed author of destinies, the spider dreams of the future. scribing the atmosphere, the spider is a sign of creation and persistance. the physical form of the spider centers around figures of eight, symbolizing infinity. therefore, the spider personally symbolizes infinite creation and production.
these readings were not entirely new to me in content, but the ideas were what inspired my mind to gain creative momentum. the thought process associated with these different animals continue to influence my life in the present and therefore in my future. application is what is truly the lesson here, how to apply ideas to my instincts.
ideology that i try to incorporate into my life—
i am not solely speaking of religion, though religion fueled these notions in my mind. the cultish unity that some monotheistic religions have are so compelling to me. i relinquish the fact that it is contradictory to my own spirituality, but nevertheless inspiring to my creative. it fills me with diversity that some dont accept into their consciousness, although we all are unconsciously accepting every image we receive into our own realities. spirituality helps me with overflowing the images and archetypes that are cunningly hidden within my own mind into my realization. we all try to better ourselves on different levels, my cultural beliefs helps me grow immaterially. through this immateriality i plan to create and produce materially.
i would like to believe that i am a philosopher—
my thought processing is diversely influenced by the environments that i am surrounded by. through my physical environment, from the summit of the mountains to the deepest unknown of the ocean, i am constantly reminded of life and death. this strikes me as inspiration for my own creations. mimicking, through arts, the beauty of life and death, and its synonymity, may be a passion of mine.
